and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
