The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Another day, another engagement, another cat
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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