wanna go halves on a baby?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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