I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
