How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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