My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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