that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
