Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
is wine microwaveable?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
