OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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