So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
