just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
