whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
