they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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