is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
