yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
