It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
