"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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