Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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