So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
