I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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