I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
