I will die if light touches me.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
