I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
