Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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