Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
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I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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