we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
