When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
