Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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