Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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