ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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