i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
