people are starting to question the shark bite story
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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