you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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