hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
