Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
