The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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