So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
