hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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