we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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