she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
