she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
