Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
