Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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