ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
