We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
