it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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