i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
