I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I could fuck to npr.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
