So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
