I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
