youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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