I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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