Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
