i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
